random thoughts.
i dispise my ex a little more everytime i hear from him.
i’m annoyed that he still asks me for favors.
i wish deleting all his e-mails and de-friending him would make him disappear from my life altogether.
because although i did have a lot of fun with him and he is a good person, he makes me feel like crying.
for someone in a relationship, i cried a lot in the last 4 years.
and spent a lot of time alone.
i really like Brian.
i might even love him.
what does that even mean?
“love is one of those meaningless words we throw around like ‘family’ and ‘addiction’.”
even still, if he left me now, i would feel lost. alone. broken.
it’s only been 53 days but i would cry.
and be in need of ice cream and another therapy session.
i guess that’s one way to define love.
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i don’t think i need him. like NEED.
but i definately want him in my life.
i want him by my side.
i want to be holding his hand.
and looking at his face.
which i think i could do for hours.
and kiss him. and kiss him. and kiss him.
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yesterday we were chatting online.
it went like this:
| 1/18/2010 | 5:40:54 PM | ::christine:: | bri_shanghai | iono–i’ve never been married….maybe it is stressful | ||||
| 1/18/2010 | 5:42:12 PM | ::christine:: | bri_shanghai | in my head, it’s just putting on a white dress, and calling people up to come have dinner–or sitting in a white dress on a beach someplace | ||||
| 1/18/2010 | 5:42:24 PM | bri_shanghai | ::christine:: | marry me! |
I didn’t even reply to that–I let it hang there until he changed the subject. The answer is OK.
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yours is the heart that i call home.
i want you to think i am worth trying for.
that i am worth the effort, worth the wait, worth your love.
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what if i am enough?
what if i am everything he needs?
what if the red strings of fate is down to the last inch?
what if he’s the one?
isn’t this what i’ve been waiting for all my life?
isn’t he everything i have waited for?
isn’t he more than i could imagine?
